#101: The Lies We Tell Ourselves The Most
Speaker 1: Perfect. Okay, we're recording.
Speaker 2: We're live? We're back?
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're live. We're back. It's been...
Speaker 2: It's been a minute. I told DG today that," Reminder we have a podcast too."
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was hard. It was hard to hear him. For a minute, I almost was like... I remembered that, no matter what I would say to you back the answer would be both. So there is no...
Speaker 2: There's no reply.
Speaker 1: I've been slipping.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: That's a fact.
Speaker 2: Let's go. Let's get back now.
Speaker 1: Here's the good news, we have some insane guests that we had. Like the month of December is-
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 1: ...slammed.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So, we'll be back. We're back heavy. I got one that I want to record with you today. You posted this thing on LinkedIn the other day.
Speaker 2: I'm out of practice. It's been so long that I'm actually nervous.
Speaker 1: I know. It's good. Don't be nervous. Don't be nervous. Just pretend like you're sitting in traffic.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Your phone is on your dock, in your car.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I'm about to send you a message.
Speaker 1: You're like," Damn, I got to lecture DG about something. That's what this podcast is, all right?
Speaker 2: That's every day?
Speaker 1: So you posted this thing a week ago, so it hasn't been that long. A week ago on LinkedIn, you wrote this post. It was called Lies We Tell Ourselves. Do you remember this?
Speaker 2: Yup.
Speaker 1: Okay. And you just wrote a couple. You wrote a couple, I would like you to talk through them.
Speaker 2: It's the first ever I'm going to read off something.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay. So I wrote this post, I think I was sitting in my car thinking about this. And then when I got to the office, I wrote it down and it's called Lies We Tell Ourselves.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 2: "Consensus is good. Diversify to create wealth. All the good ideas have been done. I know the right answer. Books are boring. I'm too old to learn how to do that. My X is better than your Y. They were just lucky. I'm not as smart as them." And then I write," What others am I missing?" And so we got 234 likes on this and 99 comments.
Speaker 1: 99 comments, that's how I knew this was going to be an episode. So I love that you read that and that actually made me think we're going to have to do the audio book when we write the book this year.
Speaker 2: That's amazing. What was that?
Speaker 1: Whoops.
Speaker 2: Excuse me.
Speaker 1: Sorry. Sorry. All right. So I don't want to talk through all of them, but a couple-
Speaker 2: So, a couple jumped out of you?
Speaker 1: Yeah, first of all, you think like this all the time like you don't believe in like lies we tell ourselves. Maybe you don't remember what was in the moment, but crosstalk.
Speaker 2: I don't remember set me off but definitely I was thinking along the lines of like, what are all the... Consensus is good. It's one that I always talk about like internally but I was thinking about like," Man, there's so many lies that we've been told," like these lies over and over again. And these are most of the lies that I used that I thought were true. And I used to believe in like," Oh, consensus is good. No, consensus is bad. Oh, I'm too old to learn X or Y or my thing. I have a better mouse trap than this other person." These are all lies that we've been taught to believe and they're that. They're lies. They're not true.
Speaker 1: And you know what I thought of this? You know how you are obsessed with cognitive biases.
Speaker 2: Yup.
Speaker 1: I thought of like that's what this is, right? Somebody should like design this into those things. It's almost like a cheat sheet for that type of stuff, but-
Speaker 2: Drafts to avoid.
Speaker 1: ...the first one that you wrote down, I want to drill into is," Consensus is good." So many people, and I didn't think this way until coming here, but so many people, when you make a decision are haywire redoing that, we're designing a new website, or we're going to do this conference that we're going to do, let's get the five decision makers in the room and we're going to have a conversation about it.
Speaker 2: No good.
Speaker 1: No good.
Speaker 2: So, the reason that we kind of fall into consensus is we want to be nice, that's one. And two, we, as humans, always move away from pain, right? And so what is pain? Doing something that you're not good at is pain because you have to get uncomfortable to do that. We talked about that a lot but then disagreeing with someone or telling someone that you disagree or think their idea is not good, or think we should go in a different direction, that is conflict. And we shy away from conflict and because of that, we adopt this idea of consensus." Okay. We'll get everyone in a room and we'll get everyone to get their ideas and then they'll vote. And then if we discuss it long enough, then we'll all come to the right answer." And the truth is no. The truth is that when you get in that room and you all have a bunch of ideas, we all regress to the mean, and we pick the ideas that are the least offensive and that get everyone to vote and those are the worst ideas.
Speaker 1: So this is something that you've... Like I've been in meetings where you've pushed, we've said," Oh, hey, we want to look at pricing and we have five people, everybody's sharing opinions." The conversation always ends with you saying to usually one or two people," You, go take it, make a decision on it."
Speaker 2: Just make a decision.
Speaker 1: Act on it.
Speaker 2: Act on it because we're going to be paralyzed, trying to gain consensus. So we're going to come up with a bad answer, no matter what. And as we say, truth is always in the market, i.e. the customer. So let's make a decision. Let's put it out there. Let's learn from it. Start the learning. One thing that we always say internally, like, why are we so obsessed with shipping fast is that the learning does not start until the moment that we ship it whether that's marketing, selling, product, whatever it is, the moment that it touches oxygen out in the market that's the first version, that's when we start learning.
Speaker 1: Mm- hmm( affirmative). A couple other ones.
Speaker 2: Yeah, hit me.
Speaker 1: We talked about this recently. I was reading something. It was diversified to create wealth.
Speaker 2: Mm- hmm(affirmative).
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: The worst advice. I followed this for many years that you hear the talk show hosts or the radio show hosts or you read books about like creating, and here we're talking about personal wealth, creating wealth. And it's all about diversification, diversification, diversify, and I think that's the worst idea ever. And I follow that advice for many years. And the reason that I think it's a bad idea is that if you actually... What you always want to do, which we talk about all the time is like, start with going to the very best. The people who have achieved this. So go and not talk to the person on the radio show talking about wealth who has no wealth. Go talk to the person, go find five, 10, 20, 50 people, and if you can't find them, find them virtually who have actually achieved wealth in their life. And if you back away, if you just go to Forbes 100 list, if you look at that and every one in those situations, it has been about concentration of focus that has created wealth. It has been one big asset that they've had that has created wealth. It has never come from diversification.
Speaker 1: No. I was trying to remember it was Pressfield who was talking about it. He said," I don't invest in anything else." He's like," The only investment I made is in myself, in my craft, in my career path." All right. So, I'll put a link to this post in the show notes crosstalk.
Speaker 2: Remember the people who given you the diversification stuff are the ones who sell you something like DG and I, when you're listening to this podcast, I've got nothing to sell you.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: I don't have anything. I don't want you to buy anything. I'm not trying to sell you a book or infomercial or tapes or anything like that. So always look at the mode of the people who are giving you that advice are largely the people who are selling you a mutual funds or whatever instrument that they're trying to sell. And the more things that you're in, the more commission that they make. So it's pretty obvious why you get that advice.
Speaker 1: There's a ton of good comments on here. One of my favorites was, actually not even just my favorite, this one had the most likes. Mike Volpi said," I deserve X." I love that.
Speaker 2: I love that one. I wish I would've said that one.
Speaker 1: This is something we talked about all the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: We don't deserve anything, right?
Speaker 2: Nope.
Speaker 1: What work have you put in? We've talked about this from-
Speaker 2: About humility, about the ego.
Speaker 1: ...carry the water all the way back.
Speaker 2: Yup.
Speaker 1: Humility, ego. Ego is the enemy, right?
Speaker 2: Yup. But this one that Mike, and the reason I wish I would have said this one is, the one that Mike highlights is actually the most destructive one that is the most common that I see every single day in people that I meet is whether they, most people won't say it out loud like that, but they have an attitude, a way of carrying themselves that they expect something. And the world owes you nothing.
Speaker 1: Just look at your inbox, right?
Speaker 2: Yup. All day. I don't look at it, but yeah. Let's imagine. Let's imagine.
Speaker 1: Hey, we met 15 years ago. I need you to do... I need you to find-
Speaker 2: Find me a job.
Speaker 1: I need you to find me a job. I need you to find my cousin's cousin a job. And can I get an hour? I put an hour in your calendar for tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Yeah. What do you mean? Why can't you spend an hour with me?
Speaker 1: Yeah. All right. So, that's-
Speaker 2: Remember we don't deserve anything.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: The world owes you nothing. The sooner that you realize that the better you'll be, and the more gratitude you will have when you do achieve things. And this is the flip side of gratitude, right? Expecting that, nothing.
Speaker 1: Love it. All right. Those are the lies we tell ourselves, I'm going to put them all in there. Tweet at dcancel. I want you to be honest, confess, what's a lie that you tell-
Speaker 2: Stop telling yourself that lie.
Speaker 1: ...that's you tell yourself.
Speaker 2: I know you're lying.
Speaker 1: I'll give you a lie that I told myself.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I'm going to open up right now.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: A lie that I told myself-
Speaker 2: Tell me.
Speaker 1: ...was that I've been too busy. I've been too busy to get in here.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I've been too busy to get in here-
Speaker 2: This dude's lying.
Speaker 1: ...make these hits online. I found the time.
Speaker 2: You know what a lie I told myself?
Speaker 1: What?
Speaker 2: I'm going to fit in these 32s and the 32s... It's the end of the year, I was a little sad. The other day I walked around the office and said, I put two post- it notes on my desk a year ago-
Speaker 1: Still there?
Speaker 2: Still there. One was the revenue goal that we were trying to achieve for the year, which seemed crazy, but we have achieved that already. And then the other was the number 32 and the 32s have not been achieved. I've been lying to myself. I have not changed the way that I eat, the way that I exercise in order to get to the 32s. So I'm still wearing these 33s, these might be 33s and a half.
Speaker 1: They're 33 and a half. And I just saw it before we came in here, I just saw you eating on, like, it was all greens.
Speaker 2: All greens.
Speaker 1: So it's coming back.
Speaker 2: I'm just eating broccoli.
Speaker 1: It's coming back.
Speaker 2: I'm going to eat broccoli till I get the 32s, so I hold you accountable.
Speaker 1: Send us out of here. We're going to record another one after for the people.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: So send us out of here.
Speaker 2: So one thing that has been troubling me deeply-
Speaker 1: Oh, no.
Speaker 2: ...is that the number of five- star or six- star reviews has been slowing down.
Speaker 1: I'll take some ownership of that.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I will take some ownership.
Speaker 2: Okay. So we need some of these six- star or, in the US, we call them five- star reviews, right, in Apple iTunes. We need some of those because the best thing that you can do is subscribe to this podcast if you haven't already, if you're listening, and to leave a five- star review, ideally six- star. Let's try to break Apple and because that helps us get this message out. Get it out there and we're fragile here. We need a little love-
Speaker 1: We do.
Speaker 2: ...or something.
Speaker 1: We need something. We have this channel that comes in slack with all the new reviews and it's been quiet.
Speaker 2: It's been quiet. It's been empty.
Speaker 1: It's been quiet.
Speaker 2: So open up that Apple Podcast app, leave a five- star review, try to leave six and see if it's working yet. We've been complaining Apple, still not working. Leave that five- star review, leave a comment in there about some lie that you've been telling yourself. And as always, I'm always looking at those reviews, trying to find people that we're going to select out of there to send them some hot stuff, swag, books, et cetera. So be that, be you. Get in there.
Speaker 1: Love it. All right.
Speaker 2: Stop fronting.
Speaker 1: All right.