#49: How To Overcome Self Doubt
#49: How To Overcome Self Doubt
David Cancel: All right. So today on Seeking Wisdom, we're going to talk about, we're going to get on our Tony Robbins a little bit.
Speaker 1: Don't tell them all the secrets.
David Cancel: We're going to talk about. I just said the name, my bad, my bad.
Speaker 1: Come on.
David Cancel: Shmony Mobbins. crosstalk We're going to talk about overcoming self- doubt.
Speaker 1: We're going to talk about overcoming self- doubt. We don't want to give them all the secrets though, dude. You know there's still some haters listening.
David Cancel: The haters already forgot.
Speaker 1: No they come back sometimes.
David Cancel: Oh, they do come back. They resubscribe.
Speaker 1: No, this is a great episode. I'm excited to talk about this. It's a crazy note, like many notes that I send Dave during the week and a topic I wanted to talk about, which was kind of overcoming self- doubt. It's going to feel very Tony Robbins, very kind of touchy, feely, but also super empowering.
David Cancel: It's good. Yeah. So you sent me this a couple of weeks ago. We haven't had a chance to talk about it yet. I actually printed out just so you can hear.
Speaker 1: On paper.
David Cancel: I have the note printed out. I printed it out for prep for this.
Speaker 1: Don't get it twisted. We don't have notes here. crosstalk At least I don't.
David Cancel: Some of us need a couple of reminders and so this is what we had to do. So first of all, what's the deal? Why did you send a note? Like what was going through your head? You sent me a note, self- doubt. This is something that everybody struggles with or deals with, but what prompted you to think about this?
Speaker 1: Well one, we all have self doubt and battle, self doubt. And as Tony Robbins would say, stress is really just fear. Right? And we all have fears and one of those fears is kind of self doubt. And so how do we overcome those self doubt to do the things that we want to do or we need to do? It's kind of like a thing that never goes away and something that we always have to battle with no matter what you achieve in life. And so I'm often walking around having crazy thoughts and I jot them down, usually in some kind of note app, like Apple Notes. And then every once in a while, I'll remember to send them to Dave and Dave makes sense of them somehow.
David Cancel: Yeah. So what's the actionable piece of self doubt? This is something that everybody has, but something that you had in your note, which is where we can start this conversation is you said you need to be your own best supporter. And I think that that's something that often goes under look, overrated, right? You're supposed to be humble. You're supposed to think about other people first, but when it comes to self doubt, you need to think about yourself first.
Speaker 1: Absolutely. And I think we've all heard the old adage of, you need to believe in yourself, just believe, just believe. But that sounds like a bunch of nonsense when you hear it. You often roll your eyes at that, but really where it comes into play is around this. Right? It's not that you're just going around believing and reading the secret and thinking like, oh, if I just think positive, everything's going to be okay right? That's not the case, that's not true. But when you have in this certain situation each day, each week, as you face kind of self doubt and you doubt yourself, and which I think is healthy to doubt yourself, right? It means you're not delusional or, and so that you are at least humble enough to know-
David Cancel: It tells you you have some self- awareness.
Speaker 1: And when you have that self doubt, that's the moment that you need to believe in yourself and you need to become your own supporter. And it's easy to forget that everyone that's walking around, no matter what they've accomplished, or they haven't accomplished is struggling with their own version of self doubt.
David Cancel: That's the thing that you said that made me like, you know what, this isn't some corny way out there thing, that's the real part is like, everybody else has the same feelings as you do, right? And I think that ties into, if you just start by thinking, all right, this person has been through the same thing or this person that I'm competing against is struggling with the same thing. And it all ties back to something we talk about a lot, which is role models, right? You understand somebody else has done it and been there too, then you can think about, okay, I can think my way through this.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I think as corny as it may sound, and it does sound corny when I say it out loud, it's like, I do believe in the idea that you have to give yourself permission to succeed, permission to be successful because you need to do that to get over the self doubt that you have and the self- doubt that's introduced, and the doubt that's introduced by other people, right? And whether it's naysayers or haters and another way to look at naysayers is naysayers are trying to make sense of their own self doubt, right? And instead of dealing with that, they may be lashing out and haters are probably doing that as well. Right. So they're struggling with something that they can't accept or they're doubting or they have fear around. And instead of dealing with it, they're lashing out onto someone else.
David Cancel: Talk about haters for a second. Because I know-
Speaker 1: What's up haters.
David Cancel: I just say the word and you get a reaction, but. Actually in a serious way, people, I think you have a contrarian approach to haters, which is like, you love it. not in like an annoying way, but you think that means you're onto something and it's a good thing, but I don't think a lot of people embrace that. They're like, no, every email I send out, everybody's got to love it. Every feature we build, everybody's got to love it. Everything that I do, I'm a painter, people have to love it.
Speaker 1: I think, and the reason that I like haters and we're all haters at some point. But the reason that I like haters is that I believe that in order to push into a new area, push out of whether you think about it as your comfort zone, or just push into a new way of doing something, that means you're challenging what everyone else is doing, by definition. Right? So you're challenging conventional wisdom when you do that, when you hit that edge, as Seth Godin would say, you push to the edges, you're going to cause an emotional reaction in different people. And that's the two ends of the spectrum that's going to be love or hate. And so when you see hate, you're probably also seeing love from another section of people. And that means that you're pushing towards an edge that's probably meaningful or that's going to cause you to grow. And so haters are just a sign of that.
David Cancel: Or just, I feel like it's human nature. You might get five emails from people saying they love what you do. But then, and you're like," Oh, this is great feedback." But it only takes one email from one troll or one hater to be like," What! What's wrong with this? I hate the way you do this." And it's crazy when you think about five to one ratio. Right? But that's just how we react.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think you need to think about hater haters and treating them as fuel for your success. It means fuel you to know that you're onto something. And I think the truth is that it's way easier to convert haters than it is to convert people who don't care about what you're doing. And I think when you have those trolls like Dave does, writing to you, copying you, complaining about you, it means you're onto something. Right? And they are trying to make sense of what you're doing. And their first reaction might be to lash out. But over time, if you explain what you're doing, I find that you can win a lot of those haters over and make them fans.
David Cancel: How do you balance this like you want to overcome self doubt and be the biggest believer in yourself. How do you balance that with your mindset of like," I can always be better." Right? This is like your boy Derek Godwin. He has this thing where even though he knows he's good at something, he tricks himself into thinking that he's just average or not that good. And so that trains him to be like," Oh, you know what? I'm not in that great of shape so I'm going to go to the gym, I'm going to work harder." how do you balance this part with that?
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think they're kind of like two sides of the same coin, right? so you have natural self doubt, which will creep in that you haven't invited. And then you will, at some points when you feel like you're not growing anymore, you'll do a Derek describes or like some of us do, which is put yourself into an uncomfortable situation or look at yourself critically and say," I need to grow because I'm stuck at this range." I was talking to CEO I know last night. And I was talking about something unrelated and I said, she was asking," How would you grade your yourself? And I said," I always grade myself the same. And I think I'm a C. I'm usually a C with glimpses of B plus sometimes. But I regress back down a C." And I think the people that I like being around the most probably also look at themselves that critically, they don't look at others necessarily that critically, but they look at themselves that way. And what's that saying is that they always see that room for improvement. They always see that room to grow. And that's when you're inviting it, versus what we're talking about today, which is self- doubt that creeps in. And again, I like the way that Tony Robins thinks about it and talks about it about self doubt is obviously a stressor, but stressors, if you peel back whatever stress you're having and in this case it's self doubt, the root of stress and self- doubt is fear. So keep unpeeling, like, what are you actually scared about? What are you risking? What are you risking? Is your fear that you're not going to achieve whatever goal you're going to hit? Is your fear that you're going to embarrass yourself in front of other people? There's some basic human fear underneath the self- doubt that's inaudible.
David Cancel: One personal thing that I have felt from this is I realize that most of my stress comes just from internally things. And it all ends with just people talking to people usually fix all of my problems. Right? I could be on the tea, I could be walking to work, I could be at the gym and I'm stressed out about," Oh, we got to do this thing." And then the second I get to work and I go, it's like say it's a Will thing. And I'm like, okay I go talk to Will, within 10 minutes of getting to work, I'm like," I'm not stressed anymore."
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that's a perfect way to overcome self doubt beyond being your own best supporter is actually to talk it out and talk with other people who are in similar models. Again why we'll say role models and peer groups is so important. And we're going to do an episode on peer groups coming up, because I had a question from Tyler on Twitter, what's up, about CEO peer group that we talked about in a past episode. And his question was like, how do you form those? But this is why peer groups is so important because you can talk it out with those people who've been in similar situations and will help you get past kind of that self doubt that you may have.
David Cancel: And that's where we end, I think we can end this is benchmarks, right? If you can see what other people have done, then your whole perspective of self- doubt changes.
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly. You look at those examples in other people. And I think when one last thing to think about when you're thinking about self doubt is kind of to do what you described when you were talking about Will there, which was, it wasn't that necessarily talking to Will, although that helps as well. It was that if you know Will, Will probably point it out to you the progress that you probably made in a certain area that you were stressed about. And when you see that progress, then you're like," oh, we are making progress." Right. It's easy to put the crosstalk.
David Cancel: Yeah he's like," Well, first of all, it's great that you're even thinking about this." And I was like," Oh, okay."
Speaker 1: And so once you see that little bit of progress you make each day, why it's important to track, then you just need to focus on keeping that snowball rolling and focus on making inch by inch progress over time and that's how you're going to get over-
David Cancel: I love how much this all ties in to everything, right? It's like progress and reps and sets or things we always talk about.
Speaker 1: It's all the same man, it's all related, but we need to talk about this all the time because this isn't a one and done, this isn't something that you can hear once. This is this something that we need to reinforce and with every day, because just like eating, and sleeping. We have self doubt every day. We have fears every day and so we need to get past them to be the best version of ourselves.
David Cancel: Man. I love it. So we're almost in 2017 and we have a goal. In 2017, we need to become one of the top business podcasts on iTunes.
Speaker 1: One of?
David Cancel: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay.
David Cancel: I mean, we got to compete with Tony, Tim Ferris. That's what you're going to hear. You're going to hear from us. But there's only one way that we'll get there.
Speaker 1: Come on Tim Ferris, I challenge you to cage match. Bring it.
David Cancel: He's in ketosis, man. You got to be careful.
Speaker 1: Bring it man. I'm from Queens, dude.
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Speaker 1: That's it.
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Speaker 1: Don't get it twisted. We don't have notes here-
David Cancel: We don't have notes.