#150: Choose Wisely: You’re The Average Of The 5 People You Spend The Most Time With

Media Thumbnail
  • 0.5
  • 1
  • 1.25
  • 1.5
  • 1.75
  • 2
This is a podcast episode titled, #150: Choose Wisely: You’re The Average Of The 5 People You Spend The Most Time With. The summary for this episode is: “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” In this episode of Seeking Wisdom, DC and DG are talking about the five people closest to you – and how the people you surround yourself with in everyday life and on social media have a bigger impact on you than you think.

Speaker 1: Okay. We'll start again.

DC: Are we back?

Speaker 1: We're back.

DC: All right.

Speaker 1: We're back.

DC: We're back. You all missed it.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

DC: I shouldn't say," You guys." You all.

Speaker 1: You all. You people.

DC: You people missed it. I accused my partner over here of being on performance enhancing drugs, aka steroids.

Speaker 1: Yes.

DC: He might be blood doping because the performance has been high.

Speaker 1: It's been very high. The performance has been very high and I almost gave away the secret last night, but I decided against it.

DC: No, no. Keep the secret.

Speaker 1: I have a system down that is, well, I think a couple of things.

DC: Yeah.

Speaker 1: Number one, is a lesson, which is I'm doing the things that I'm good at.

DC: Okay.

Speaker 1: Okay? Which is like a meta lesson of this podcast.

DC: That's the first step. That's the first step.

Speaker 1: Okay? So, do more of the things you're good at and then number two, is I'm being super intentional about my time and I got a system down. Eventually it's going to break, but we're in a good zone right now.

DC: All right.

Speaker 1: So, DC's riding the wave.

DC: What are we talking about here? The nephew's now preparing notes.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

DC: It's on the YouTube.

Speaker 1: So-

DC: We need more subs for the Young G2. Look how young he looks.

Speaker 1: I don't really care if you look at the notes or not.

DC: Okay.

Speaker 1: I only give you the notes because sometimes there's things that I want you to look through to read-

DC: I like it. I like it.

Speaker 1: ...Or you see a tweet. So, this episode of Seeking Wisdom, which by the way, if you have been following along or seen, DC and I have each kind of branched out now. We have some other stuff that we're going to give you.

DC: Don't worry. The band is still together.

Speaker 1: The band is still together. Seeking Wisdom-

DC: But they got nervous.

Speaker 1: ...No, they got real nervous. They got real nervous. I think we have a good thing going, we should keep doing it-

DC: Okay.

Speaker 1: ...But we each have unique little things that we're branching out to. So, like-

DC: So, relax.

Speaker 1: Well, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I like that. I like that. You're going to bring the CEO the CEO content and I'm going to bring you, the marketer, marketer content. And then we're going to come together here on Seeking Wisdom, the core is Seeking Wisdom.

DC: That's it.

Speaker 1: Okay? So, today we're going to talk about an email that you send and an article that's been going around from the homie, Brad Stulberg, who's been on the podcast, we met him in Oakland, he is a coach of yours. And the topic of this podcast is the five people around you today. Okay? And so Brad tweeted out this article, which has gotten a ton of traction. And I don't know if this is what inspired you to send your email or not? Actually, it might've been after. He said-

DC: This came out after.

Speaker 1: This came out after. Wait. So, this is literally just timing?

DC: Timing. The universe.

Speaker 1: This is crazy. So, this is the universe telling us we should do this podcast. So, I saw this tweet and then I saw your email and Brad said," Sit within 25 feet of a high performer, performance improves by 15%. Sit within 25 feet of a low performer, performance declines by 30%. We are mirrors of the people we surround ourselves with. Shape us and shape them too." DC, without even having read the article, what is that about?

DC: I have goosebumps right now listening to you say that.

Speaker 1: Facts.

DC: That's facts. This is something that we've talked about so long. Send an email around this, subscribe, Drift. com/ DC.

Speaker 1: We'll talk about that. We'll talk about that.

DC: Okay. Okay. And something that I've talked to the nephew so much about because this is a lesson I learned from the old uncle, Charlie Munger, and we've heard this old adage for years, you will become the average of the five people that you spend the most time around. We've heard that adage. We've also heard, show me your friends and I'll show you your future.

Speaker 1: I think you tweeted out something about this or you wrote it. What I love is that most people that listen to this podcast are going to be like," That's obvious."

DC: No.

Speaker 1: That's obvious.

DC: They're not living. G2, I'm going to have to do a friend audit on you.

Speaker 1: We're going to do an audit.

DC: Make sure you got the right friends.

Speaker 1: Right. That's what they say. They say," Oh, that's obvious. The people you surround yourself is." Right? But you recently, I saw you recently, in the email you sent to the company, you did an audit for yourself.

DC: Mm- hmm(affirmative).

Speaker 1: What did you do?

DC: I took this to another level.

Speaker 1: Okay.

DC: So, I've constantly been, and I did this, now that I look back, I try to share the lessons with the people that have taken years of pain and suffering.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

DC: And I look back and I think I was doing this without even knowing I was doing it and I was changing the people that were around me that became my role models. And every few years I was changing and growing and changing that group of people that I spent the most time with. And I kind of did this subconsciously. And now I can look back and say," Okay, this is what I did. This was super important for myself. I think it would be helpful for other people." But then I took it to another level and I emailed the team about it, which was like, it's not just the people that you spend your time around in the physical world.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

DC: But we spend so much of our time in the digital world now. On the IGs, on the Twitters, on the TikTOks.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

DC: You know I'm up on the TikToks and all that.

Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay.

DC: On all of these kinds of systems. Those shape our reality as much if not more than the people because in some cases for a lot of people listening, you're spending more hours a day with those virtual friends or people that you follow, then people you are day to day in the real world. And so you need to, and this is what I did, go in through your list, do it right now, pull over if you're driving, look at the people that you're following in your IGs, your TikToks, your Snaps, your whatever you're using and start auditing that list.

Speaker 1: Yes.

DC: Because those people, if you have any negative energy in there, any people that are taking you in a direction you don't want, those are the people, and it's fun, you listen to the, whatever that guy is, the fat whatever guy on IG.

Speaker 1: Oh yeah. Fuck Jerry, Fat Jewish, all those accounts. Yeah, yeah.

DC: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ha, ha, ha. It's funny and stuff like that.

Speaker 1: Sure.

DC: That is shaping your reality and is bringing you down to that level. So, if you want to be one of those guys, then that's what you're going to become. If you want to be something more than one of those joke accounts, then you've got to change the people that you're following.

Speaker 1: This is such a good lesson because I actually think the thing that we have to our advantage in 2019 is I think 10 years ago, if we did this 20 years ago, 30 years ago, if we talked about this, you would have had to physically go out, there's really only two ways, meet with somebody or read a book.

DC: Yep.

Speaker 1: Today, you can surround yourself with the people that you want to be like and learn from on the channels right from your phone, right?

DC: Yeah.

Speaker 1: Instagram, YouTube, all the apps you just mentioned. So, I love this idea of actually being intentional with who you follow and what happens is then it's like, okay, I pull out my phone when I'm killing time. I'm in the elevator, God forbid you can't wait two minutes. So, I pull up Instagram, but now my Instagram is athletes, it's authors, it's professors, it's-

DC: Mm-hmm(affirmative).

Speaker 1: And so, I'm spending that downtime just soaking that stuff in.

DC: And that's what you become.

Speaker 1: Totally, that's what you become.

DC: If you check out what the young nephew, these days, new young nephew-

Speaker 1: New.

DC: ...He wasn't doing this before. What is he watching on YouTube? He's watching old footage. Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar-

Speaker 1: Yeah.

DC: ...The greats. Right? And that's becoming part of his psyche right there. I hope G2, who's on the IEG right now, is looking at some greats.

Speaker 1: He's on the Gram. He's on the Gram.

DC: Is that what it's called? The Gram?

Speaker 1: The Gram.

DC: Okay.

Speaker 1: I don't know about TikToK. Is it that-

DC: Oh, you don't know about... Oh.

Speaker 1: Is that the next thing?

DC: Geez.

Speaker 1: I'm going to get on TikTok?

DC: Come on, man.

Speaker 1: Okay.

DC: Yeah. You know how I knew?

Speaker 1: What?

DC: I had a TikTok account a while ago, but I wasn't really using it.

Speaker 1: What is TikTok?

DC: You know who put me on TikTok?

Speaker 1: Who? Your daughter.

DC: No, no, no.

Speaker 1: Who?

DC: Arnold.

Speaker 1: He did?

DC: Yeah. I follow Arnold. Arnold said," Follow me, I'm ASchnitzel on TikTok."

Speaker 1: Damn. I thought you were going to say it's the next up and coming app.

DC: It is.

Speaker 1: TikTok.

DC: It is.

Speaker 1: Arnold is on TikTok. How old is he?

DC: I don't know how old he is. He's looking good though.

Speaker 1: Yeah. He's looking good. I saw him-

DC: Huh? G2, he looks good, right?

Speaker 1: Yeah. He was just doing preacher curls the other day and his arms are just ridiculous. Ridiculous.

DC: Ridiculous. So, he's ASchnitzel.

Speaker 1: You get to surround yourself by those people all the time.

DC: Mm- hmm( affirmative).

Speaker 1: What do you think-

DC: And I like to surround myself with this guy right here, Brad Stulberg.

Speaker 1: Brad.

DC: Sorry to interrupt you, but-

Speaker 1: Go Brad.

DC: Brad Stulberg, and we should have a live version of this show, because today it is March 19th-

Speaker 1: Yeah.

DC: ...Brad Stulberg's book has just come out.

Speaker 1: Wow.

DC: I tweeted out today. It's called the Passion Paradox. Go get yourself a copy.

Speaker 1: You already read it.

DC: I read it already. I got an advanced copy though, bro. My man, Brad, and my coach, he was on the latest episode of Rich Roll. You know our homie Rich Roll.

Speaker 1: Oh, he was back on with Rich?

DC: He's back on to talk about the Passion Paradox.

Speaker 1: Wow.

DC: Go check out his book.

Speaker 1: That's awesome. I got to go check that out. So anyway, he wrote this article last week in Outside Magazine, called Good Vibes are Contagious. And he said," This whole thing is actually grounded in science," right? He said," One of my favorite threads of research shows how interconnected we humans are. Studies show that if you bear witness to someone else experiencing pain, whether it's somebody stubbing their toe, somebody, a homeless person, right? You're going to experience some degree of pain yourself." Then he found that pain is not the only contagious emotion. They found at Yale, which is a pretty good school, they did a study of 5, 000 people right here in Massachusetts for more than three decades, they found that when someone became happy or sad, that emotion rippled through the entire town. So, there's so many connected things, right? Like having a winning culture is going to create more winning around the team. Hiring better people, A players, high performers is going to breed this culture of more high performers. They're all connected.

DC: And this shows why it's so important to how you shape your reality right here. Right? In that Yale study that he was talking about, that you had this empathy, right? Even though you didn't go through it. And this can go negative, right? Because there are people who might want to help out a cause and they think by changing the color of their Twitter icon or something like that or putting the little hashtag, that they actually did something where they didn't actually do something, they didn't actually help, but psychologically the same thing happens and they feel like, oh, I did something to help. No, you got to do more than that.

Speaker 1: You just said something that actually is the most important piece of this. You said shape your reality. And that's what I just learned.

DC: You got to shape your reality.

Speaker 1: That connected a couple of dots in my mind about you, which is, I think sometimes as a CEO and a founder, you have big ass goals, you have big aspirations and I think sometimes where people can't always relate to that. But what I've realized is the people that you surround yourself with, the accounts that you follow, the people you're in meetings with, you've had dinner with the founder of Dropbox and you've been at something with the CEO and founder of ServiceNow, billion dollar companies. So, you've seen things that-

DC: So, that's my reality.

Speaker 1: ...I haven't seen possible. So, you do, when you say suspend disbelief, you've seen it so you believe it's possible.

DC: It's possible.

Speaker 1: That then changes your perception. So-

DC: It was just woman or a man, they were just a human.

Speaker 1: Sure.

DC: They did it.

Speaker 1: And you had dinner with them and they feel the same as everybody else. The other thing that you drilled into my head in the early days of Drift and I still take with me today is this idea of you got to play to who you want to be around. And so, this is such a funny lesson to think about, but one thing you've cared a lot about is you used to, I would be like," Oh, I'm out tomorrow. I'm going to," I remember one specific occasion. I'm like," I'm out tomorrow. I'm going to this event." And you're like," Why are you going to that event? That's an event of crumbs."

DC: Right.

Speaker 1: "That's an event for crumbs. You're going to spend eight hours there. Don't go to that event." And so, I didn't go.

DC: Because he showed me the event and I said," Well, let's see this event." I said," Let's see who's going to be at this event."

Speaker 1: But-

DC: These are not people that you want to emulate.

Speaker 1: But on the flip side of that, you do things like about a month ago, you forward me an invite to this event through Sequoia and you said," Go to this one."

DC: Yes.

Speaker 1: Okay. And that is the top companies in the world are going to be there, so I'm going to go there. And that becomes then the frame of which I'm going to be able to be in.

DC: Yeah. I got to work on G2 again and some video mentors, make sure he's associating himself with the right people.

Speaker 1: Yeah. That's a good idea. I like that.

DC: Maybe we'll get my boy Spielberg or-

Speaker 1: Spielberg. Your boy, Spielberg.

DC: Someone of that level.

Speaker 1: All right.

DC: Steven Soderbergh.

Speaker 1: I see thumbing around in the notes. What do you got to say? You good?

DC: I love this topic. Check out this newsletter that I've created.

Speaker 1: Oh yeah.

DC: It's free. All the stuff we do is free and it's free for the people.

Speaker 1: Free.

DC: And in one of them, I have a bunch of slides that I had forgotten that I had created around this thing. Well, that someone created, but that I had written. And it goes through about this stuff, about being careful who you take advice from, right?

Speaker 1: Yeah.

DC: This is it. We did an episode early on in Seeking Wisdom history.

Speaker 1: Episode four.

DC: Episode four.

Speaker 1: This is episode 150.

DC: Yep. Go back to episode four. And it's about be careful who you take advice from, which goes into this model here. Right? Because one of the things that I talked about in that episode was that we are, as humans, right, we don't want to offend people. Right? And so, we are too democratic with our willingness to listen to everyone. So, we will treat the advice we got from someone who has no qualifications, but maybe your buddy or maybe a family member and may have the worst qualifications and might have negative traits, we will take and weight their feedback as much as someone who has repeatedly been successful and that you want to emulate.

Speaker 1: Especially today, because anybody can say anything to you on the internet.

DC: Yes, which is the downside of all of the social stuff on the internet. And so, you have to be really diligent and ruthless, is how I frame it, on making sure that you filter down to just the people that you take advice from. And this is where it dovetails with what we're talking about today, which is the five people around you, right? Because you only have so much glycogen in the brain each day here.

Speaker 1: What?

DC: And so, you do not have the mental capacity, the energy, the willpower, to be able to filter out all of the bad stuff and just be able to be smart enough to filter the good stuff. So, the best way to deal with that is to filter at the highest level, which is filter the set of people so that you're getting more good stuff than bad stuff.

Speaker 1: Yeah. I just think about, I'm in marketing, I think a lot about whose advice everybody wants, this person is doing it this way. I know a very, very, very limited group of people that we, as a company, should take inspiration from, from other companies.

DC: Very limited.

Speaker 1: Right?

DC: Very limited, but you'll see, as people point out, oh, check out this company, check out that company. It's like, why are we listening to these companies?

Speaker 1: Yeah.

DC: These are not companies that we emulate towards.

Speaker 1: So, surround yourself-

DC: Doesn't meant that their advice is wrong. Their advice could be totally right, but you have to play the odds.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

DC: Right? You have to play the odds because you're not going to be able to figure it out in real time. Play the odds and only take the advice from people who have done what it is that you want to do. And their advice might be wrong, but the odds are better there.

Speaker 1: So look, let this podcast be a reminder. The reason we do this show is because we want it to be tactical, real stuff. So, if you're listening to this, this podcast is successful for DC and I, if you listen to this and you thought, you know what? I got to upgrade who I'm around, whether that's who you follow on Instagram or who you sit with at work or who you talk to on a daily basis. You know what might be a good idea? This is spring cleaning.

DC: Oh, spring cleaning?

Speaker 1: This is spring cleaning.

DC: Oh, I like this.

Speaker 1: Okay? Do your spring cleaning. Listen to DC.

DC: Check out G2s hair.

Speaker 1: Do your spring cleaning. I wish I could do that. I can't. I have no skills like that.

DC: Yeah.

Speaker 1: Do your spring cleaning, upgrade the five people around you. Think about it. Just do a quick audit, right? Go home, listen to this podcast, you're at the gym, wherever you are, think about who are the five people you spend the most time with?

DC: Yeah.

Speaker 1: And then think about that.

DC: I have an idea.

Speaker 1: What?

DC: So, after you leave a six star rating on this here episode right here on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, what else do we have?

Speaker 1: Everywhere.

DC: Everywhere they can.

Speaker 1: Google Play.

DC: Amazon, Google Play.

Speaker 1: Amazon. YouTube.

DC: YouTube. After you leave six star ratings, dance, subscribe because G2 needs the subs. If you leave in the comments there because I want to get a vote here.

Speaker 1: Okay.

DC: If we get enough people, a critical mass of people, we will do this, I will confiscate G2's cell phone and we will do a live YouTube and we will go through his Gram followings.

Speaker 1: Ooh. That would be-

DC: And we're going to filter that live for the people.

Speaker 1: That's a good idea. That's a good idea.

DC: G2, what do you say?

Speaker 1: That's a good idea.

DC: Only if we get enough subs and enough comments in there.

Speaker 1: Yeah. I would just need 10 minutes to go in a different room and just unfollow some accounts and I'd be more than happy to if you want me.

DC: We're going to do a live audit so that we can teach the people how to do this, how to do the audit.

Speaker 1: You want to talk about how to get people to watch on YouTube, the live audit?

DC: We'll do a live spring cleaning.

Speaker 1: Come one.

DC: Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: All right. We got to get out of here.

DC: Make sure he's on the right track.

Speaker 1: I heard you have a podcast.

DC: Oh yeah. I have a guest coming in. I have a guest for my-

Speaker 1: You have a guest.

DC: ...I'm doing back to back podcasts today.

Speaker 1: Back to back.

DC: All right.

Speaker 1: I got to step out.

DC: Six star ratings, see you.

Speaker 1: Adios.

DC: It was great seeing you.

Speaker 1: See you.

DC: Okay. Let's vote for the spring cleaning of G2's Gram followings, please.

Speaker 1: See you.


“Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” In this episode of Seeking Wisdom, DC and DG are talking about the five people closest to you – and how the people you surround yourself with in everyday life and on social media have a bigger impact on you than you think.